paper aeroplanes

2008-09-26T00:12:00.000-07:00

i have fallen so far from your grace
i have fallen so far from the end of the race

i have fallen so far from the tree
i have fallen so clumsily

i try to pick myself up again

but i fall
over and over
and i fall
over and over
and i fall
over and over

into your arms
into your arms

i have fallen out of the sky
i have fallen, watching dreams float on by

i try to pick myself up again

but i fall
over and over
i fall
over and over
and i fall
over and over

into your arms
into your arms

you fell so far from home
you fell so gracefully

and we fall
over and over
we fall
over and over
we fall
over and over

into your arms
into your arms

somewhere beautiful

2008-09-15T03:47:00.000-07:00

somewhere in this grave
is there a ship that floats?
somehow in this dark
is there a light that shines?

somewhere in this hate
is there a love that waits for me?
somewhere in this failure
am i home?

would you take me somewhere beautiful
far away from me
would you take me somewhere beautiful
and hold me til we're gone.

this winter's spring wont come
the heartache's just begun
and this black cloud doesnt pass
i bite my lip and force a laugh

would you take me somewhere beautiful
far away from me
would you take me somewhere beautiful
and hold me til we're gone.

floating in the wind

2008-07-29T03:17:00.000-07:00

i think i woke up today...
but i'm never sure
and i think i need you now
so much more than i need me

did the rain fall down today?
i'm never sure
and i think i need it now
more than ever before

can you hear
can you hear me

or am i alone?

as the clock stops turning
and the light starts burning
and the sky starts falling
are you there?

i think i fell down today
but my eyes aren't so sure
and i think i need to fall
cuz i must break to be whole

and the sun died today
in a thankless storm
and all i see right now
is a sky that's torn

can you hear
can you hear me

or am i alone?

as the clock stops turning
and the light starts burning
and the sky starts falling
are you there?

as the clouds start crying
and the hope starts dying
and the seas start rising
are you there?

floating in the wind...

Driving

2008-07-17T03:40:00.000-07:00

driving

I’ve been sitting in the back seat of a car that has been driving through the countryside for as long as I can remember. I’m bored of the winding dirt tracks, the paddocks and the sunshine. I’ve had my fill of the ancient trees and the wild beauty. But I can see that the road is getting straighter.

I don't know how to drive.

I don’t know who has been driving the car, but I like sitting in the backseat. I don’t have to drive. I don't have to speak out, or articulate my thoughts. I do get hurt, but I don't understand it yet. Maybe I need to be in control to understand it. I am under a blue sky, yet I can see a storm brewing ahead. Now I can see that the road is getting wider, our car has broken onto the tarmac and every now and then I spot houses, grouped together as if to warm themselves in unity.

I still don’t know how to drive.

But now I’ve moved forward in the car. I’m in the front passenger seat, and I’m reading the map. I know where I want to go, and I can direct the driver where I need to go, yet the driver always has ultimate control.

I still don’t know how to drive.

The road is getting larger and larger, and suddenly this side road that has been the route of my journey so far, has become the highway. And with equal shock, I realise I am driving the car having never been taught how to do so. I’m relying on my memory of the driver’s actions, yet the words they have given me throughout the journey become stagnant, all I remember is what they did.

I’m learning how to drive.

The highway is advancing officiously through suburbia, and by now the houses are surrounding each other, stifling each other, hurting and confusing each other. There are more cars now than ever before, more lives on the line. The traffic around me terrifies me; death seems to me a horrifying response to a small mistake.

I’m still learning how to drive.

By now, there are people that I love sitting in the car with me, and I know that my actions will affect their journeys, my words may hurt them. I can never sleep; if I lose control then they may die. The clouds are gathering overhead.

I’m learning how to drive with them in the car.

The storm breaks and the sky begins to cave in. But I can see my objective now; the city. The imposing skyline scares me and shakes me, but after all this is where I have wanted to be my whole life... isn’t it?

I’m in the city now. This great mess of humanity is so much more than I imagined, the pain and the confusion are stifling. Yet it is so much less. It is not fulfilment as I believed it would be. Now I’m concentrating so hard on the road that I don’t notice that the people in my car are gone.

I’m in the very heart of the city now, in the temple of nothingness, where we worship the parts of our lives that remain unfeeling and painless.

I park my car.

And it is only now that I realize that I’m lost.

I do not know who I am or why my loved ones are gone, and all I want is the winding dirt tracks, the paddocks, the sunshine; the ancient trees and the wild beauty of the countryside.

bruised knees

2008-07-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

she's trapped in a house that she built
of dead old leaves and mud and pain
she's tied her heart down to an old dream
that’s only real cuz its the same

and she's storing her tears for a star that
died before its light struck her eyes... she says

i'm nothing more than my reflection
i'm nothing more than my exhausted dreams
i'm nothing more than a selection
of lying emotions and bruised knees

there’s a man that lives down her street
lives a gospel of apathy
he reaches for an empty love
to fill his empty need

and he’s crying out in his bedroom
can I be freed from my heart… he says

am I more than my reflection?
am I more than my exhausted dreams?
am I more than a selection
of lying emotions and bruised knees?

i want to be like water
and slip through my fingers
i want to be like sunlight
the warmth on her back

can we be more than our reflections?
can we be more than our exhausted dreams?
can we be more than a selection
of shattered hearts and bruised knees?

i want to be more than my reflection
i want to be more than my exhausted dreams
i want to be more than a selection
of faded moments and broken dreams

You made me more than my reflection
You made me more than my exhausted dreams
You made me more than a selection
of lying emotions and broken knees

monsters

2008-07-07T05:28:00.001-07:00

there's a monster under my bed
i know he's there cuz i've heard him cry
there are secrets under my bed
i know they're there because they're mine

and she's the prettiest girl i've ever seen
like a daisy flower
and she laughs and she sings
and shes not scared of anything

and i'm awkward and i'm tired
a forgotten dream
and i play and i sing
and i'm scared of everything

there's a monster under my bed
i know he's there cuz i've heard him cry
there are lies under my bed
i know they're there and there they'll lie

the monster is ugly and kind
a forgotten dream
we lie in the secret
and we're afraid of me

we’re afraid of me

suicide tree

2008-07-07T05:27:00.000-07:00

you greet me with a smile that I have never earned
you manifest a love that I never learnt

and as the road rolls up behind me
will I drown in yesterday?

You will find me at the suicide tree
But will you be there with open arms to comfort me?

i never meant to stamp out this love before it grew
I never meant to lose hope like i lost hope for you

And as the years swell up behind me
Will I drown in my yesterday?

explode

2008-06-01T04:19:00.000-07:00

May the grass grow up around me
When the sunshine dies and leaves me thirsty

May the rain fall straight through me
When the loves and lies give up their splendour

If my heart would explode
And the sky would be new
And I would have nothing left but to look for you

If my life would explode
And all I could see
Was your rain as it falls down upon me

If I was alive
And you were alive in me.

Will the cities remain buried?
Will my countryside lie to protect me?

For my heart is in the soil
As the broken skies drown my regret

If my heart would explode
And the sky would be new
And I would have nothing left but to look for you

If my stars would explode
And all I could see
Is that I have nothing left but you for eternity

If I was alive
And you were alive in me.

the end of me (is the start of you)

2008-05-31T02:28:00.000-07:00

i hoped to find you in the night
i hoped to find you when the sun had shut her eyes

no map of ages brings me to you
no signs or shooting stars light my way

but tonight, but tonight

when i come to the end of me i'll find the start of you.

the flames of a thousand beating hearts
not strong enough to light a fire in my soul

and when the darkness sings its sleep
over the oceans of noise and tragedy

tonight, oh tonight

when i come to the end of me i'll find the start of you.

let me see it in my own eyes
let it light across my own skies

tonight, oh tonight

when i come to the end of me i'll find the start of you.

credits to big sis for the chorus :P - plagiarism at its best.... :)

i lolded

2008-05-30T03:27:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

all i want is (across the wall) - love song (for a saviour?)

2008-05-25T01:30:00.000-07:00

when everything i know is
somehow painted with our love
when every other thing that i hold dear
falls around my feet and i don't care to pick it up again

when i lose my heart
and hope to find it whole and safe again in your hands
when i lose the world
and know that everything i have is wrapped in all that you are

all i want is you
all i want is in you

when the nightmare fades
and your arms succumb to hold me close and pray that the fear will die away
and when my dreams fail
and it's you who pulls me up inside, and brings my heart back down across the wall

sichuan burma and the western bubble

2008-05-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

I've been reading with growing concern in the last few days about the terrible natural disasters in Burma and China. They say that in Burma 78,000 people have been confirmed dead, and in China it is feared that up to 50,000 will have died, while 5,000,000 have been left homeless.

And to be brutally honest, its not the fact that the Burmese government won't let foreign rescue workers in in more than ones and twos that breaks my heart, but the way in which it personally affects me.

That over 100,000 should die within a very short amount of time and that it should not affect me in the slightest.

Granted, I live in a country that is separated from these countries by the ocean and other countries, yet I cannot hear the cry that they let out. I cannot see except for on news websites the damage that it has caused, and I cannot feel the pain that those people are feeling.

And even through all of this, I don't know if there's anything I can actually do for those people. The people who have no house, no family left, what have I got to offer them?

2008-05-15T01:52:00.001-07:00

Airport

I'm sitting in the departure lounge waiting for my flight. Everyone I have ever know is sitting there with me. Everyone who I have hurt. I entered the airport today, entered the cold sterile emptiness and left behind everything I ever was.

I've checked in. They take my passport but they don't look at my picture. It doesn't matter anyway. They don't need to. They ask for my luggage, but I don't have any. I walk through security, but they don't look at me. I can't hurt anyone any more. I entered the airport today, entered the cold sterile emptiness and left behind everything I ever was.

I'm walking to the departure lounge, there is no people. No people anywhere. The big empty spaces scare me. They are clean and safe and terrifying. Noone watches me. I look out the big windows and remember that everything is muted in here. Everything on the outside looks dark. Unwelcoming. I entered the airport today, entered the cold sterile emptiness and left behind everything I ever was.

I enter the departure lounge and see everyone I've ever known. Everyone I've ever hurt. They don't look at me. They don't sing. They laugh and they cry for me. Or at me. It doesn't matter. Everything I've ever done is dead in their eyes. They don't know who I am. They don't look at me. One by one they get up and walk past me but they don't touch me, or see me, or hear me. They don't know me. They don't need to.

I walk towards the plane as they have just called my flight. I think I should look back. I think I should see everything I've ever done. I think it should break me.

I walk into the empty plane and sit down. There is only one seat. There only needs to be one. The plane waits for me. It offers me a choice. I can walk back into everything I've ever done. Or I can stay on the plane.

Noone I've ever known, noone I've ever loved, noone I've ever hurt can see the plane. They don't know I'm here. They don't miss me when I'm gone. They don't need to.

I entered the airport today, entered the cold sterile emptiness and left behind everything I ever was.

____________________________________________________________________

Shan't explain it, make your own meaning :)

the intent of this blog

2008-05-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

since this is a blog, and since you're reading this you're probably wondering why i made a blog.

the simple answer is because zack told me too.

but anyhow, i figure i better have a purpose to writing a blog and contributing to the vortex we call the internet. so.... (and i added that extra dot to the ellipsis for you tim....)

i intend to write something meaningful occasionally, something which explains something about me, something random, some musical critique, a movie review, a rant, something funny, something sad, a question.... in other words everything.

and because i'm lazy right now, and i don't want to tap into my creativity i will post an old piece of writing in a minute

this is a new blog

2008-05-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

this is a brand spanking new blog